"This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you." ~John 15:12
This is all very well as a platitude on a plaque hung over the kitchen sink or in the bathroom to remind the children what actions they are expected to mimic during the day, but what on earth does it mean? The next verse speaks loftily of laying down one's life for one's friend (not enemy, interestingly enough, though that is a different expostulation), but as that deals only in death and we have a great deal of living to do in the mean time, how do we then live? How exactly did Jesus love us?
While contemplating the conundrum by my fire this morning, I was startled to realize after a moment's reflection that there was a seemingly simple answer. While He lived on earth (past tense), He loved us sacrificially, certainly. Totally, surely. Unreservedly, yes. But also wisely. And discriminatingly. Not against our best interests. And thus I ran against the Fruit of His very Spirit (undisputably not past tense) as a barge runs against its home dock: He must love us with joy, peacefully, patiently, with kindness and goodness, with gentleness, faithfully, and with self-control.
This led me instantly to a second list, as if the first dock turned out to be only a hand offering to guide me in to my true mooring. In this list love is even more clearly defined.
Love is:
Patient
Kind
Not envious
Does not boast
Is not proud
Is not rude (!)
Or self-seeking
Not easily angered
Keeps no record of wrong
Does not delight in evil
But rejoices with the truth
Love always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres
Never fails
And so the barge appears to rest, comfortably, with a contented knowledge that its cargo is fathomable and useful and uncomplicated.
~~~
That satisfied mooring is where I began my typing this morning. But by copying down my ideas I was made further acquainted with their subtleties and quite suddenly I find that the barge has not nosed into dock at all but has rather struck some sunken piling and is in danger of taking on water rapidly:
Jesus, while on earth, was arguably, by our standards, rude. He also got angry. He was not what we would call kind to the pharisees, and not really what we would term patient with them either. By allowing most of His disciples to be eventually martyred, we would question His "always protecting," and by losing Judas to the dark side we would wonder about the preserving and never-failing aspects. Was His love always attended with what we would call peacefulness? Gentleness? Often. But not always.
It is therefore my forlorn duty to understand that our understanding of these straight-forward concepts is not straight-forward at all. If Jesus did it, that is the standard, and the standard is gold. If we object, our objections are dross. And so, at the end of 500 words on the subject, I find I have only written a confused preface to a poor pamphlet with question marks for content. I must go back to the library of the Spirit and ferret out what He means by patience, kindnesses, protection, and peace.
After I have done that, perhaps my life will be a better plaqued-platitude for the instruction of my children than anything I could hang on the bathroom wall.
Blogged last night, stayed up too late reading, turned out my light and God said, "Boo!"Instant download.Romance.You're going to keep reading, aren't you? ☺The download was in question form: why do we think we don't have to work at romance?If we're of any age in this world we've learned we have to work at loving people. Sometimes it's tough love, sometimes it's sacrificial love, sometimes its I'm-going-to-spank-you-now-so-you-don't-steal-a-car-later love, sometimes it's I'm-going-to-show-you-love-even-though-I-want-to-claw-your-eyes-out love, sometimes it's simple charity, sometimes it's simple courtesy. But we have to think about it, be intentional, be dialed in, being always obedient to the Author and Perfecter of Love.And then we get to Eros and chuck it. We think it's simply serendipity! That it just happens! Hitch could tell you romance never just "happens," and yet we persist in spending a good chunk of our lives hunting the Snipe of Serendipity and getting frustrated when it proves elusive. Shoot, even Song of Solomon is all about seeking the beloved, chasing, pursuing, all that good stuff.A friend once told me that Romance is the feeling you got when you know you're special to someone. In one of my favorite books, Indigo tries to decode Special. Turns out it's different for each person, so he learns Special According to Sarah. It involves total intentionality on his part, a thing with which we modern girls seems to have a love/hate relationship. Our culture has taught us to suspect all forms of planning and "plotting" as subtle forms of manipulation-- expressions of romance should fly spontaneously from a "heart full of love," right? This not only discounts the basic differences between the sexes (like, male synapses process complex relationships at a totally different rate than female synapses, and guys like to have a plan-- as my sister said, "So he plans to stop and get you flowers instead of seeing the store on the way-- big deal! You still get flowers!" Thank you, Maggie), it flies in the face of reality. Reality is God did not wake up one day and decided to lavish love on us in the form of Jesus saving us from our sins. He planned that. Like, before recorded history began.C.S. Lewis wrote a brilliant book on four different kinds of love. The chapter on Eros will curl your hair, make you laugh, and make you think. I need to read it again. Because now I will read it with a different paradigm: if I'm married and not experiencing romance, or even engaged and not experiencing romance, perhaps the problem is not with the Beloved. Perhaps the truth is Romance is work. Just like everything else. And it will not wither on the vine for the fact that we have to figure out what Special is. Does that not actually increase the romance? That someone would expend the energy, risk being wrong, risk looking foolish, risk even displeasure at a failure-- whether in bed or on a date or doing dishes? It may be counter-intuitive at first because we are so used to bumping into warm fuzzies unexpectedly (and therefore value them for their rarity), but try killing the lie that you have to find the hot-flashes of Romance.You make them.
