"Let me sum up...."

I got married quite suddenly this fall. I haven't blogged in months because I was busy falling in love. With this guy:

After years of waiting and praying and hoping and not a few private tears, God opened the sluice gate of heaven, the dam broke, and I discovered Dale Erickson had been waiting for me much longer than I had been waiting for him.

So he made me a ring.

And we got engaged.

Then he bought me a ring.

And we got married. (Dress by Cathy Duvall, flowers by me, tux by Bartell's, picture by Mom, us by God.)

We went on a honeymoon.

And I fell in love all over again every single day.

Then we came home. (It's been painted since then.) And I fell in love with our house.

And we had another reception.

(Did I mention a ton of my Ecola friends came?)

And then real life finally got under way.

Well, interrupted by Thanksgiving at our house. Uh-mazing.

And so far "real life" has left me breathless with joy. I never knew I could be loved like this. I never knew I could love like this. To have someone who has promised never to go away, who stays there to laugh with me and at me, to cry with me and for me, who eats his meals-- the meals I cook!-- next to me every day, who's life I share and who shares mine.... it's the reason I think God made marriage the metaphor: it's a small taste of heaven on earth.

I'm going to admit to a But, though.

Marriage is a taste of heaven, but.... I'm still human. Getting married, as it turns out, did not suddenly perfect me. I was warned. Seven years ago my darling friend Cathi tied the knot and told me shortly thereafter that she hadn't had a clue how selfish she was until she married her wonderful husband. I made a mental note to research it myself if God ever gave me the chance.

He's giving me the chance.

I have an amazing husband who is a paragon of self-sacrifice. And his love is a powerful motivation towards my own self-denial. But only six weeks into this I can't help feeling it's only a matter of time before I run out of ideas for dinner, enthusiasm, sleep, resources, everything, and just give up because I'm simply not selfless enough to continue well. It will hang over my day and I wonder if I have what it takes to do this wife thing.

Today I was listening to Ginny Owens sing about Moses' argument with God. So I read it tonight, and was slain once again.

"And the Lord said to him, 'Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him dumb or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say.' " ~Exodus 4:11-12~

I think most of us could insert some sort of insufficiency in place of the word "mouth." We all have stuff that gives us as much pause as public speaking gave Moses. We come up with a thousand excuses to avoid what God has called us to do because we don't think we have what it takes.

We're right, by the way. That's the rub.

But look what He says! "Is it not I?" He is the One who has made the very thing with which we take such issue. And He will be with it, whatever it is. He did not ask Moses to deliver Israel. He asked Moses to be obedient, to do the next thing, and He would deliver Israel.

He has not asked me to be the perfect wife. He has asked me to be obedient, to make the next meal, do the next load of laundry, to get up early the next morning, and He will accomplish Good Wifehood.

So thank you, Ginny. And thank You, Jesus! Life is suddenly doable again.

Did I mention we had a maple-bar-and-bacon wedding cake?